Grandma Blues
by Prince Lutin
Summary: Tired of Grandma Thora causing them a lot of grief, Arthur and D.W. plot to dispose of her. But is this really happening? Based on a Youtube Poop.


_**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Arthur or most of the related characters. It belongs to Marc Brown and PBS. Nor do I own the Youtube Poop "Arthur Kills His Grandma", which belongs to a Youtube user named comrade127. This is mostly true to the fanfic, but it features a laugh track and a twist ending._

_This story is rated M for cursing and excessive sexual references. It is only for those 18 or older. Don't show this to your kids!_

_Don't worry, I am a fan of Arthur. I did this for fun. I hope no one is offended by this!_

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><p><strong>THE ESTATE OF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS<strong>

**DON'T KILL GRANDMA**

We are focusing on a house located in Elwood City. This home belongs to an old lady named Thora Read.

The camera focuses on a blue kitchen. There is an all-too-familiar male aardvark with a yellow shirt and glasses, a small female aardvark with a pink jumper, and an elderly female aardvark with a blue shirt and purple pants. They are eating supper. Grandma Thora is the elderly aardvark, while the other two are her grandchildren, Arthur and D.W. Read.

Arthur looks at the camera and talks to us viewers.

Arthur: Last night, Grandma Thora "raped" D.W. and I.

(gasp from the audience)

Thora: After supper, how about if we have sexual intercourse?

D.W.: Thank you Grandma, but we would prefer to watch TV.

Thora: I don't have television, but I do have sex with cheese in public!

(sound of laughter from the audience)

The camera then focuses on Arthur, and then D.W., each with long pauses.

Cut to Grandma Thora's living room. Arthur and D.W. are just sitting in there, looking at the wall, since Grandma Thora claimed that she didn't have a television. Did she? We'll find out.

Next, Grandma Thora walks in. She is holding a bowl of chips. Arthur and D.W. look at her.

Thora: I'm afraid I don't have any titties. My doctor's getting very fat. (She gives the bowl of chips to Arthur and D.W.) Here were are! No-salt low-fat potato chips! (Arthur and D.W. are not impressed.)

Then, all of a sudden, a purple rabbit dentist pops out of nowhere. He is wearing a light blue shirt and dark blue pants. He points to Grandma Thora. This is the infamous Dr. Rabbit, an evil racist crack dentist.

Dr. Rabbit: Those chips are not doing your teeth any favors, you old bitch!

Thora: (talking in the voice of Carmen from the Dr. Rabbit video) Really? Why not?

Dr. Rabbit: You need to stick your teeth in a glass at night! (sound of laughter. Dr. Rabbit disappears.)

We now see Grandma Thora's false teeth in a cup. Then we see Arthur and D.W. in Grandma Thora's guest bedroom, lying down in bed. To make matters worse, it's the same bed that they are sleeping in. What was she thinking?

Arthur: And if that wasn't bad enough...

D.W.: AAAAA!

Arthur: What? What?

D.W.: It's Grandma!

Grandma Thora comes in the room. She walks up to D.W. and starts shaking her shoulder and kissing her.

Voice: Double rape triple rape over rape rape tacular rape spree rape trocity rape tastrophe rape pocalypse... (It is not known whether or not this is Grandma Thora's voice, for it is a male voice.)

D.W.: EAAUGH! (wets the bed)

The crowd laughs.

Arthur: Grandma Thora over-raped me.

D.W.: Arthur, we have to do something!

Cut to the title: "Grandma Thora Appreciation Day", which is voiced over by Binky Barnes. Then cut to Arthur and D.W. in a car with their parents and baby sister Kate.

Arthur: Isn't that a good idea? Kill Grandma Thora!

Mr. Read: But what's the occasion?

Mrs. Read: The kids are upset because Grandma sexually assaulted them.

Mr. Read: She must die.

Mrs. Read: Great idea!

Mr. Read: Wut wut in the butt! (laughter)

Arthur and D.W.: WAIT!

Arthur: It was our idea!

D.W.: And we wanna do it all by ourselves!

Cut to the Reads' Kitchen the next day, where Mrs. Read is making eggs.

Mrs. Read: Planning a murder is a lot of work, you know.

D.W.: How hard could it be? You invite people and you kill them!

Mrs. Read: Just Grandma Thora's closest friends, OK?

D.W.: That's no fun. Can we do something like rent a...

Mrs. Read: No!

Arthur and D.W. read over a list...

Arthur: It's only...25 THOUSAND people?

D.W.: There's no way that can be right!

Arthur: Well, at least we got the first thing done on our list. And tomorrow we can buy food.

Cut to the supermarket parking lot...

Mrs. Read: I'm not sure if I like you!

Arthur and D.W. are stunned. Then the two leave the car and go into the supermarket...

Arthur: Uh-oh! I forgot my list!

D.W.: Don't worry. I have mine! (She gives Arthur her list, which is badly written words.)

Arthur: D.W., this is just shit!

D.W.: It is not. It spells _semen_! (laughter)

Later...

Mrs. Read: Did you get anything besides CHOCOLATE?

Arthur: It was the only thing D.W. had on her list.

Mrs. Read: How many people did you invite?

Arthur was trying to think it out, and then he confessed...

Arthur: I couldn't help it. They all heard about the rape and they all hate Grandma Thora! (gasp)

D.W.: He never listens to me. Why didm't you tell him to listen to me?

Later, in Arthur's clubhouse...

D.W.: Boy, are you fucked. If I were Mom, I would have left you in the garage. What's next?

Arthur: Think of ways to kill Grandma Thora.

D.W.: Hmm...

D.W. imagines a fortune cookie being given to Grandma Thora, who is sitting in a Chinese restaurant with Arthur's school cook Mrs. MacGrady. Thora opens the cookie and reads the fortune.

Thora: "Please go to hell." (laughter)

Cut to real life...

Arthur: That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!

D.W.: Only cuz you didn't think of it.

Arthur: I think we better just kill her on the phone, which leaves only one thing to do: decorate!

Cut to the Reads' living room. Arthur is on a chair, decorating the living room with red streamers. D.W. sneaks up on him.

D.W.: Here, Arthur!

Arthur falls down and falls up, and then back down.

Mrs. Read: How's it going? Want some help?

D.W.: No, we're doing it by ourselves.

Arthur: We'll never get this finished by tomorrow!

D.W.: Yes we will, if you'd stop flossing around!

Mrs. Read goes to the front door and opens it up. Grandma Thora is there.

Mrs. Read: Why hello, Thora! How nice to see you!

Arthur and D.W: Grandma! (They go hide)

Thora: You'll never believe it! My cock went bust right at the end of your street!

Mrs. Read: (calling) Did you hear that, kids? Grandma's cock broke down and she's cumming! (crowd goes "OOOO!")

Grandma Thora goes upstairs and sees Arthur.

Arthur: Why don't you go back to your own house?

Thora: Because Hank can't fix my cock and it made sense to just stay put!

D.W: (blocking the door) But you'll hate it here! Kate snores! You'll never get your porn rest, and we don't have any extra toothpaste, and ARTHUR!

That night, D.W. and Grandma Thora are in bed (don't worry, separate ones) and Arthur goes to wake D.W.

Arthur: D.W.?

D.W.: Ready! (She gets out of bed and avoids Grandma Thora's false teeth.) EAAAUGH!

Arthur: (whispering) Remember, we have to be very, very...

Arthur steps on a horn. It explodes loudly. (laughter)

D.W: SHHH!

Arthur and D.W. get downstairs ready with decorations. Then, they nearly fall asleep.

Arthur: That's it...that's the last thing on the list!

The next day, all of Arthur's friends are there. Everyone is dressed nicely. By now, Thora had left.

Mrs. Read: Find a place to hide! Thora should be here any minute!

Two of Arthur's friends, Binky and Francine, load their shotguns.

Mr. Read: You did tell Thora to come at 2:00, right!

Arthur and D.W. gasp. (crowd goes "OOOO!")

Arthur and D.W. then go to the phone and dial the wrong number.

D.W.: She's not answering!

Arthur: I can't believe you forgot to kill Grandma!

D.W.: Why didn't you put it on your list?

Arthur: I forgot. Why didn't you put it on yours?

D.W.: I can't write!

Mr. Read: There's only one thing to do!

Binky: PARTY!

Mr. and Mrs. Read: NO!

Then, all of a sudden, Grandma Thora comes inside the house. She is wearing her usual outfit.

Mrs. Read: Thora!

Arthur: Grandma!

Thora: What's going on?

Arthur: (backs away) Uhh...nothing...

Arthur disappears. Then he fires a rocket, which kills Grandma Thora.

Voice: (same voice from earlier) Revenge!

Binky: PARTY!

(For a few seconds, funeral music plays.)

This was a sad, sad day for Grandma Thora. Despite her weird nature, it's kind of upsetting to see that she is dead now. Or is she?

Voice 2: And cut! Okay, that's a wrap. You can get up now, Thora.

Thora: (gets up) I can, Mr. Dingle?

Guess what - this was being staged all along! It was being directed by one Mr. Dingle.

Mr. Dingle: (the second voice) Good work, everyone!

D.W.: (to the viewers) You really thought that Grandma Thora was a sex-obsessed weirdo? This was all an act, you bastards!

Mrs. Read: D.W., watch your language! It's bad enough that Grandma Thora kept saying "rape".

D.W.: Sorry, Mom.

We focus on Mr. Dingle. He is a skinny director with no hair on his head.

Mr. Dingle: The film festival is going to love it!

Francine: (still holding her gun) By the way, the guns weren't even real. Right, Muffy?

Muffy: Of course! And the rocket was made out of flour, cloth, and powdered milk! It couldn't kill anyone.

Arthur: (goes back to Grandma Thora) Sorry if it hurt you.

Thora: That's okay! It was just a video.

Mr. Dingle: Awww...

D.W.: What will we do now that the video is done?

Mr. Dingle: Bring in the dancing lobsters!

Three dancing lobsters of _The Amanda Show_ fame come out and start dancing. Everyone dances along with them while "Everybody Dance Now" plays. Then, all of the Arthur characters form a line and start dancing with the dancing lobsters. Mr. Dingle is pleased.

**THE END**


End file.
